Collage 025 H u m o u r N e t 1995 Guess what? Just what you were *hoping* you'd get for Martin Luther King Day: it's COLLAGE 25! Many thanks to Matt and Matt (different Matts, not a law firm) from SpaceNet for providing the bulk of this mailing. Happy reading! - Vince Sabio HumourNet Moderator HumourNet@telephonet.com ____________________________________________________________________ Opener (above) Copyright 1995 by Vincent Sabio Permission is hereby granted to forward or post this "Collage"; please observe the guidelines stated at the end of the message. ____________________________________________________________________ Just in case you were planning a trip ... "How They Talk in Baltimore" By John Sherwood Taken from an article in the Washington Star (!) mostly accordeen accordion aks ask a-most almost Annarunnel Anne Arundel County, MD anythink anything apinned opened architexture architecture arns joose orange juice Arsh Irish ast ask attoreneys attorneys Bawlmer Baltimore Beeno B&O Bethlum Bethlehem bidnessmen businessmen bleef belief bobwar barbed wire boy buoy buoy boy choaked choked crawler cruller conjextured conjectured cole race beef cold roast beef corm beef corned beef calf lick Catholic dayontayon downtown dint did not difrinse difference down-a-hill where steel workers work at Bethlehem Steel Co. downey Ashin down the ocean (City, MD) draffs giraffes Droodle Druid Hill Drooslem Jerusalem druckstewer drugstore dusk dust dust dusk enywears anywhere everthink everything excapes escapes farmin firemen flars flowers flitters fritters frents friends gayo go gobbidge garbage granite granted gubner governor gummit government Habberdy Grace Havre de Grace, MD harballed iggs hard-boiled eggs harrid Howard Hollontayon Highlandtown howler holler idnit isn't it igger eager ignernt ignorant insparin inspiring Jewtayon Jewtown, delicatessens John Hopkins Johns Hopkins keller color klumya Columbia, MD koors machines (cars) laft laughed leginamint legitimate Lumberd Lombard Lil-Illey Little Italy machines cars Melhawk Mohawk mirrow as in meer, or mirror munlaws and fodlaws mother-in-laws and father-in-laws Naplis Annapolis neerbize nearby Norf Abnew North Avenue norf, souf, ees, wess north, south, east, west oltno I don't know owen on pall burier pall bearer pancake pound cake paramour power mower Patapsico Patapsco River payment pavement pickstyers pictures plooshin pollution po-leece a single police officer pleece more than one po-leece quarrs choirs samidges sandwiches shares showers snoo few what's new with you sould soul spearmint experiment stall style starfame styrofoam sympathy symphony taggers tigers tar tire tarred tired tire tar (as in tire the roof) torst tourist transresistor transistor tword toward unnerstayon understand urshter oyster vollince violence wald wild wooders waters Warshnin Monament Washington Monument Yerpeens Europeans ---------- Editor's note: A few were forgotten (and are most appreciated using the more familiar English->Baltimoron translator layout): ambulance am-ba-lance asterisk ass-tu-ricks (often spelled "asterix") etc. eck-se-turra faculty fac-wool-tee february feb-you-worry (this one might be nationwide by now) jewelry jew-lur-ree realtor ree-la-tur realty ree-la-tee schedule sked-ju-wool washing machine war-shur - V ========================[ H U M O U R N E T ]======================= Apparently from one of the "Get Smart" movies: "Stay here and don't do anything stupid. You can put the comma wherever you want." ========================[ H U M O U R N E T ]======================= Someone earlier suggested a striking similarity between Rush Limbaugh and television wrestlers. On my cable system, however, Rush occupies the slot next to Barney and, while channel surfing recently, I began to notice the similarity between the two. For comparison's sake: Barney Rush ------ ---- Large clumsy YES YES animal? Garish, tight- YES YES fitting clothes? Oversized head YES YES and oversized rump? Stupid, repeti- "I love you "I hate Bill tious song that You love me... I hate Hillary is repeated ad nauseam? Idiotic plastic YES YES grin no matter what he's saying? Beloved by some YES YES but hated by the rest? Appeals mostly to YES YES those of limited ability to think for themselves? Makes more money YES YES than is warranted by talent? Spawn of Satan? Some say yes Some say yes I think the evidence is clear! ******************************************************************** Anyone Without a Sense of Humor Is At The Mercy of The Rest of Us. ******************************************************************** "HumourNet" is brought to you by Lyris -- an innovative new e-mail list server from The Walter Shelby Group, Ltd. For more information on Lyris, see . To subscribe to the "HumourNet" mailing list, send the following command to : subscribe HumourNet your_name, your_city, your_state or country where "your_name" is your real name, etc. If you run into problems, then either (1) send any message to for a more detailed set of instructions, (2) subscribe via Lyris's Web interface at , or (3) send a *detailed* description of the problem to . To unsubscribe, visit our Web interface at or refer to your Welcome message for detailed instructions. For instructions on contributing to HumourNet, send any message to . >>> Note: Attributions in Collage openers are to the contributors, not necessarily the authors. Authors' credits are included in the text wherever possible. <<< The HumourNet archives can be accessed via the Web and FTP: Web: FTP: Permission is granted to forward or post this Collage, provided that 1) the message is forwarded/posted in its ENTIRETY, from the line containing the Collage number and date to the end of this trailer, and 2) no fee is charged. There are "relaxed" forwarding/posting guidelines available; for a copy of them, send any message to , or refer to your Welcome message. ******************************************************************** "HumourNet" is a trademark of HumourNet Communications, Ltd. ********************************************************************