Date: Monday, August 12, 1996 1:39 PM
From: Vince Sabio, HumourNet Moderator
To: The Internet's Moderated Mailing List for Humor
Subject: HumourNet: Darwin Was Right

I really can't believe this.

People warned me about it, right after I sent out the most recent
admin message -- the one about unsubscribing. (You know, the message
about the US$5 to US$7 fee for unsubscribing.)

They told me I'd regret making a joke like that. They said that the
intellectual proletariat would go into panic mode.

I thought they were wrong. I *knew* they were wrong. I *told* them
they were wrong.

They *couldn't* have been right.

Right?

(They were right.)

(Those of you who wrote to me to say that it was hysterical -- which,
luckily, represent the majority so far -- can ignore this message. As
can anyone else who understood the joke. This message is specifically
for those people who are genuinely *concerned* about the
"unsubscribing fee.")

Look, kids, I'll try to type this slowly so you can all follow along
with me:

* THIS IS A FREE SERVICE.

* THERE IS NO FEE TO SUBSCRIBE.

* THERE IS NO FEE TO UNSUBSCRIBE.

* There couldn't be a fee if I *wanted* one (which I don't)
(well, okay, it'd be nice, but it would only work in, say, a
parallel universe).

and finally ...

* HOW COULD I POSSIBLY CHARGE ANYONE'S CREDIT CARD WITHOUT
(1) AUTHORIZATION (okay I can get around this if I need to, but...)
(2) HIS ***CREDIT CARD NUMBER***???

Do you recall, at any point, my asking you for a credit card number?

(I think I see an opener developing out of this one.)

Look, it was a long weekend for me -- perhaps I'm a bit punchy, what
with the lack of sleep and all. But I really thought that the joke was
pretty obvious. Now I'm receiving messages from people who thought
I was **serious**. (Okay, only half a dozen -- about 1/1000th of the
list. But the admin message probably hasn't yet been read by everyone
on the list, so that number could easily jump to 1/500th. If you're
in that group, then *look at those numbers*. There's a message there
for you.)

<sigh>

IT WAS A JOKE!

THIS IS *HUMOUR*NET.

I hate to sound callous, but if you are having trouble grasping
this concept, then surely this is not the place for you. Remember:
Unsubscribing is free.

(For the rest of us: I hope to get a Collage out sometime tonight.
It will contain some information on the most recent listproc debacle;
normal openers to resume later this week, listproc willing. As of
this morning, the list is "officially" back on line, so this should be
the last of the admin messages. Unless I decide to charge someone's
credit card....)

- Vince Sabio
  HumourNet Moderator
  HumourNet@telephonet.com

HumourNet: We don't mean to offend; we just want the money.